Paradox#2

"...you can't have something without nothing."
— Alan Watts

This line spoke to me, embedded within a longer Wattsian spiel on nothingness. Talk about nothingness is, to my mind, extremely volatile (in the chemical sense) — it tend to evaporate into prattle. This condition of instability seems inevitable with regard to any riff on matters of a philosophical/religious/psychological/spiritual nature*.

Expressions of such matters in terms other than those of a question, an aphorism, a koan or a parable tends to be asking for trouble. Woe unto he or she whom fools** believe has actually explained something.

"You can't have something without nothing" works as an aphorism and a koan. It speaks volumes beyond the boundaries of language.


*At first I felt inclined to list these as a series, separated by commas. Then I realized that writing them that way would imply an arbitrary compartmentalization that does not exist in actual human experience.
**Fools: people looking for and satisfied with easy and/or finite explanations.

What do you see?

Normally, we do not so much look at things as overlook them.
— Alan Watts

Am I My Brother's Keeper?

My English teacher in my senior year of high school was a rather insistent Southern Baptist. In that keeping one’s nose firmly ensconced in other people’s business seems to be part and parcel to the ways of many insistent Southern Baptists, she constantly exhorted me to act as my brother’s keeper—literally.

One of my two younger brothers was, at the time, suffering a troubling bout of middle child syndrome. He seemed to be feeling like an outsider to the family, full of rage and defiance. He was, in fact, behaving like an outsider to civil society in some ways, which gave all proper, churchy people pause for considerable concern, horror and handwringing (my parents and me included).

My brother’s wayward path was, of course, my responsibility to remedy. I was the eldest of our brood. I was the utterly socialized shining example of All A High School Student Should Be—a virtual lap dummy medium through which Upstanding Adults of Our Community could voice their sacred values and ways like ventriloquists.

I did not realize that I was being used. I felt fully invested in their program at the time. I was all about pursuing Success In Life. I was in the National Honor Society. I was listed in Who’s Who Among America’s High School Students. I listened to Good Role Model adults as if they were oracles. I listened to Earl Nightingale tapes. I read Dale Carnegie and Napoleon Hill. I was a representative of The Good Youth — I was one who was asked to lead prayers and speak at church; to speak to the Rotary and the Lions Clubs. As such, it was incumbent upon me to help my brother See The Light.

With this intent I called my brother into the game room, away from the rest of the family. I sat him down and launched at him my best Inspirational Spiel — “You’re free to pursue your dreams…You can be anything you want to be; you can accomplish anything you want to accomplish…”

He appeared to be captured in a bit of reverie. After a point he uttered aloud what he made of what I was saying: “I can do anything I want to do…I can goddamn well do whatever I want to do!”

He stood up and sternly commanded: “Move your car. You’re parked behind me.” With that, he arose from the couch and moved decisively to the garage.

Reflexively I followed, still a bit intoxicated by the magic spell I’d cast on myself with my Success Spiel, not yet comprehending the nature of magic that my words had worked on my brother.

He got into his hot-rodded Mustang and gunned the engine. The camshaft clattered. The dual exhaust glass packs aggressively roared and crackled. He slammed his four-on-the-floor Hurst shifter into reverse and hit the accelerator. Tires screamed as they spun in place, filling the air with the acrid scent of burnt rubber, then they dug into the pavement like talons of a dragon. The Mustang lurched within inches of my front bumper.

“Move your goddamn car or I’ll move it for you!” he hissed, breathing the fire of his youthful discontent through the open car window.

At that moment my dad swooped into the garage, descending on the open window through which he attempted to pull my brother from the car. I stood agog, thinking, “This cannot be happening.” Before that thought was finished the door of the Mustang sprung wide open, sending my dad reeling backward, tumbling into the trash bags.

My brother escaped on foot, running into the night.

What's the difference?

The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.

--George Bernard Shaw

Through the Looking Glass#1

One thing I like about cryptic literature (material that's rich in allegory, symbolism, metaphor, etc.) is that it requires me to supply the meaning. It's typical for most people to express one of three responses to such writing:

1) to be summarily dismissive,
2) to be frustrated or even angry, or
3) to "enjoy" it, mistaking it for a romp of imaginative entertainment.

I used to feel disappointed when others  neglected the opportunity for deep reflection that enigmatic writing invites. Actually "disappointed" is too mild a description of those feelings. I actually felt very frustrated. Angry. Scared.

Why would I feel frustrated, angry or scared about such a thing? Because, in recognizing their responses to this literary genre in particular — and ambiguity in general — I could see how alone I was. I didn't like to feel so freakin' alone. I longed to share the reverie this type of literature inspires. Also, from a practical livelihood-earning standpoint, I realized that I most likely would never have a "dream job" following my "bliss," as Joseph Campbell might term it. As a writer and a creative person, there's just not much market for the kinds of output that flows from my heart-of-hearts. What's more, it seems clear to me that such responses to ambiguity and mystery are dangerous to the ultimate welfare of humankind.

But...hey, that's the way "it" is. That's the way people are. There's no grand influence or power I can exercise to align the world to my preferences or point of view. I won't find many who share these aspects of myself. So be it. I've created my own sense of peace. Like every other human being, I design and define the mental/emotional/spiritual space in which I live. All is well with my soul.

Paradox#1

People tend to be ironic; paradoxical — usually the more insistently opinionated, the more so.

Regarding religious "faith", I think this Alan Watts quote sums it up nicely:

"...a person who is fanatic in matters of religion, and clings to certain ideas about the nature of God and the universe, becomes a person who has no faith at all."  

--  Alan Watts

Wisdom in Pop Songs#3

Maybe it's true what they say about it
Maybe we can't make the ends meet
Maybe we'll all have to do without
Maybe this world's just incomplete

Still we all look for the truth in our lives
Searching from different sides
So hard living in a desperate world
But we all do the best that we can

Some people see a change
Some will remain the same
Everyone lives their life under the gun
Some see the road as clear
Some say the end is here
They say it's a hopeless fight
Well I say I gotta try

Maybe there's too much to think about
Maybe there ain't nothin' left to say
But if our time's really running out
Then this is no time to run away

'cause we're destined to look for the truth in this life
Blinded by tearful eyes
If it's no use tryin' in a desperate world
Then tell me why was I born?

Some people see a change
Some will remain the same
But all of them live their lives under the gun
Some see the road as clear
Some say the end is here
They say it's a hopeless fight
But I say I gotta try

— Michael McDonald and Kenny Loggins

Wisdom in Pop Songs#2

Some folks think that the weight of the world's problems
Are enough to make the ball fall from space
And there's no use continuing
with all that's going on

But I just want to go down saying
that I'm glad to be here —
here with all the same pain and lies
everybody knows

Some men think they're born to be kings —
and maybe that's true
But I think passing love along
is all we were born to do

— Michael McDonald

Wisdom in Pop Songs#1

What a fool believes he sees
No wise man has the power to reason away.

— Michael McDonald

The Art of Being Wise #1

The Art of being wise is knowing what to overlook.

—William James

Delicious Serenity #3

Recognize and relish the absurdity, irony and paradox made manifest in everyday human affairs — first your own, then that of others. Notice how these qualities bloom in the fertile soil of self-importance.

Some Pills are Bitter, But the Medicine Is Good

Of all the steps along The Eightfold Path (eight precepts that Siddhartha Gautama Buddha specified as disciplines conducive to enlightenment), Right Livelihood (precept #5) has posed conundrums that have consistently confounded me. Right Livelihood involves choosing a source of work-based income that helps one in the pursuit of spiritual development. Every problem I have created for myself in my adult life stems from poisonous roots tangled deep in my world of work — which means essentially that they are rooted in my core beliefs that extend into that netherworld.

Those who know that I worked for thirty years in advertising/marketing communications (and regard such work with smug disdain) might immediately quip “Well, fool, wouldn’t you kind expect to feel dissatisfied with that?” In my experience, remarks like that come from li’l kiddies splashing and calling names at one another in the shallow end of life. They’re going to have to take off their water wings and accompany me in a dive to the drain of human existence in order to understand where my disappointments originate. Experience has also taught me that few, if any, will accompany me in the not-entirely-uplifting adventure. There are just too many precious notions to be found on the murky bottom disarrayed in wreckage, in shards — at best overturned.

The practical, real-world truth is, for any promise of success I may have shown, for any smarts I may otherwise possess, I have unwittingly played the role of Village Idiot in every professional situation I tried to settle into. I willfully and tenaciously denied the One Undeniable Fact Of Life In Business: no matter what one does for a living, the part of it that actually ensures PAYMENT for services rendered or goods delivered requires, above all, cunning participation in “THE GAME” of manipulating other people's perceptions to serve one's personal interests.

In hindsight it seems a matter of common sense to wonder what I was thinking and why I was thinking it — to wonder how I could ever have thought that I might be special enough to defy the Immutable Laws of the Commercial Universe. Those laws are, like the natural laws by which the Biological Universe operates, essentially Darwinian*. With world-weary eyes of understanding I now recognize that my denial owed to childish, stubborn belief in a groundless idealism regarding human nature. I assumed that everyone cherished and aspired to uphold the same notions of good and wisdom that I did. Even as this virtuous notion has been cuckolded by the reality of pretty much my experience with other human beings, I have clung to it with colossal stupidity**. 

A psychologist I once knew, liked and enjoyed very much once remarked, “Chazz, you give people WAY too much credit!” 

The pursuit of transcendent wisdom is not on the average person's priority list. For most of my adult life, it has been at the top of mine. But in pursuing it, I rendered myself virtually incapable of playing the games necessary to thrive (perhaps even to survive long-term) in any work place. Only people of independent wealth — or people who genuinely don’t care what happens to them, materially — can afford my chosen philosophical and spiritual disposition. In real-world terms, I literally cannot afford to be the way I am; the way I have created myself to be. 

As best I can tell, there is no market to support a Right Livelihood I could fully embrace —  encouraging people to evolve toward ever-deeper understanding of themselves and the nature of the worlds they create for themselves; and that we all ultimately create together in terms of shared experience. Whatever I do for a living (to earn money) is highly unlikely to be something fully aligned with "who I am" or to provide me with a sense of ultimate purpose and fulfillment.

Right Livelihood: apparently it's not for everyone. This particular aspect of my personal reality has been a bitter pill to swallow. But now that I've finally ingested it, I find the medicine is very good for me.



*Don’t read too much into my use of the term “Darwinian.” Like everything else in life, the actual principles of Darwinism are much more subtle than the popularized concepts.

**This is not self-condemnation. It’s just recognizing the fact that my clinging to the notion was unreasonable and suboptimal in terms of my material well-being.

What in Evil?

When contemplating the nature of evil, I find it helpful to contemplate the question "What in human experience creates the most long-lasting destruction?"

To this question my answer is this: self-serving opportunism that involves betrayal of a sacred trust.

Delicious Serenity #2

Am I actually tasting the jasmine flower in my green tea? Or is this a delight for my nose alone? How delicious is this moment and the presence of mind to wonder!

Think On These Things (Thanksgiving 2010)

"My cup runneth over."

This is the metaphor that David, the biblical writer of the 23rd Psalm, chose to express his personal joy and gratitude for his sense of personal contentment. I thank him for the expression. It so very elegantly communicates my own sense of the same; my joy in my current state of affairs.

At this time of year we tend to focus our gratitude on things we have: whatever our measure of prosperity, whatever our measure of health and love. This is good. May the tradition continue.

In fact, I believe that, in making a daily practice of our annual tradition of gratitude, we have the power to shape the very trajectory of our lives in a most positive manner. I believe that, as the Buddha said, "We ARE what we think." The biblical writer, Solomon, echoed the same sense of things in Proverbs 23, verse 7: "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he."

I offer the quotes above not in deference to some authoritative cachet of their sources; i.e., not to suggest that "These really important Wise Men wrote these things, therefore these things are true." I offer the quotes because I have found the principle verified in my own experience, and I could not express it more powerfully and succinctly.
 
And in extension, I would offer another biblical quote as "words to live by" — the apostle Paul's exhortation to the "church" at Phillipi:

"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things [are] honest, whatsoever things [are] just, whatsoever things [are] pure, whatsoever things [are] lovely, whatsoever things [are] of good report; if [there be] any virtue, and if [there be] any praise, think on these things."

I am grateful that we all share the power to shape our personal worlds and the trajectory of our lives with our own thoughts, our own contemplations.

As we all think in our own hearts, so are we. Is there a more profound blessing than this?

Sin and blessings are all empty

Sin and blessings are all empty. The Snake swallows the frog. The toad sucks up the worms. The hawk eats the sparrows. The pheasant eats the snake. The cat catches the rat. The big fish devours the smaller one. And everything is all right. The monk who offended against the commandments does not fall into hell.

— Zen Saying

All Is Right with the World

(copied directly from one of my favorite sources of introspective thought provocation, the book "Awareness" by Anthony de Mello—a Catholic priest who spent most of his life as a missionary in India.)

(snip—except I have edited for punctuation I thought more appropriate)

When you awaken, when you understand, when you see, the world becomes right. We're always bothered by the problem of evil. There's a powerful story about a little boy walking along the bank of a river. He sees a crocodile who is trapped in a net.

The crocodile says, "would you have pity on me and release me? I may look ugly, but it isn't my fault, you know. I was made this way. But whatever my external appearance, I have a mother's heart. I came this morning in search of food for my young ones and got caught in this trap!" So the boy says, "Ah, If I were to help you out of that trap, you'd grab me and kill me." The crocodile asks, "do you think I would do that to my benefactor and liberator?"

So the boy is persuaded to take the net off and the crocodile grabs him. As he is being forced between the jaws of the crocodile, he says, "So this is what I get for my good actions." And the crocodile says, "Well, don't take it personally, son, this is the way the world is, this is the law of life."

The boy disputes this, so the crocodile says, "Do you want to ask someone if it isn't so?"

The boy sees a bird sitting on a branch and says, "Bird, is what the crocodile says right?" The bird says, "The crocodile is right. Look at me. I was coming home one day with food for my fledgelings. Imagine my horror to see a snake crawling up the tree, making straight for my nest. I was totally helpless. It kept devouring my young ones, one after another. I kept screaming and shouting, but it was useless. the crocodile is right, this is the law of life, this is the way the world is."

"See?" said the crocodile.

But the boy says, "Let me ask someone else." So the crocodile says, "Well, alright, go ahead."

There was an old donkey passing by on the bank of the river. "Donkey," says the boy, "This is what the crocodile says. Is the crocodile right?"

The donkey says, "The crocodile is quite right. Look at me. I've worked and slaved for my master all my life, and he barely gave me enough to eat. Now that I am old an useless, he has turned me loose, and here I am wandering in the jungle, waiting for some wild beast to pounce on me and put an end to my life. The crocodile is right, this is the law of life; this is the way the world is."

"See?" said the crocodile. "Let's go!"

The boy says "Give me one more chance, one last chance." Let me ask one other being. Remember how good I was to you?"

So the crocodile says, "All right. Your last chance..."

The boy sees a rabbit passing by. He says "Rabbit! Is the crocodile right?"

The rabbit sits on his haunches and asks the crocodile, "Did you say that to the boy?"

The crocodile responds "Yes, I did."

"Wait a minute!" says the rabbit. "We've got to discuss this."

"Yes," said the crocodile (without releasing the boy).

But the rabbit continued, "How can we discuss it when you've got that boy in your mouth? Release him. He's got to take part in this discussion, too."

The crocodile responds, "You're a clever one! The moment I release him, he'll run away."

The rabbit counters "I thought you had more sense than that. If he attempted to run away, one slash of your tail would kill him."

"Fair enough" the crocodile conceded. He released the boy.

The moment the boy is released, the rabbit shouts "RUN!!!" The boy runs and escapes. then the rabbit says to the boy, "Don't you enjoy crocodile flesh? Wouldn't the people in your village like a good meal? You didn't really release that crocodile; most of his body is still caught in that net. Why don't you go to the village and bring everybody back here? You can have a banquet!"

That's exactly what the boy does. He goes to the village and calls all the menfolk. They come with their axes and staves and spears and kill the crocodile.

The boy's dog comes, too. And when he sees the rabbit, he gives chase, catches hold of the rabbit by the neck and throttles him.

The boy comes on the scene too late. And as he watches the rabbit die, he admits "The crocodile was right; this is the way the world is—this is the law of life."

-- (story ends. Anthony deMello comments further)

There is no explanation you can give that would explain away all the sufferings and evil and torture and destruction and hunger in the world. You'll never explain it. You can try gamely with your formulas, religious or otherwise, but you'll never explain it. Because life is a mystery, which means your thinking mind cannot make sense out of it. For that you've got to wake up and then you'll suddenly realize that reality is not problematic. YOU are the problem.

Delicious Serenity

Last night James posed the question "What is serenity?"

What a delicious matter to ponder!

Serenity can be summoned simply. Just open the mind like the expectant mouth of a newborn bird. Roll the word (serenity) over and under the tongue of the mind —  caressing it, sweeping it into proximity of the synapses of the various neural processing centers, spread wide and deep within the brain like tastebuds, set to sense the multivarious flavors of experience.

"What is serenity?"

Only our attentive tasting of each moment can answer.

A Race of Somnambulists?

"Compared to what we ought be,
we are half awake."

— William James

Why do so many of us not treasure every moment of consciousness?

Why do we not eagerly and proactively seek to develop the depth and breadth of our consciousness; to explore and refine its subtleties?

Creator

We each create our own experiences with our choices of thoughts and actions, responding to the situations and circumstances of our lives.

How to grow; even how to grow older

Sixty-six times these eyes behold the changing scenes of Autumn.
I have said enough about moonlight, ask me no more.
Only listen to the voice of pines and cedars when no wind stirs.
—Ryonen

Is That So? (a meditation on acceptance and surrender)

The Zen master Hakuin was praised by his neighbors as one living a pure life.

A beautiful Japanese girl whose parents owned a food store lived near him. Suddenly, without any warning, her parents discovered she was with child. This made her parents very angry. She would not confess who the man was, but after much harassment at last named Hakuin.

In great anger the parents went to the master, pointing fingers and screaming "You have dishonored our daughter!"

"Is that so?" was Hakuin's only response.

After the child was born it was brought to Hakuin. By this time he had lost his reputation, which did not trouble him. He took very good care of the child. He obtained milk from his neighbors and everything else the little one needed.

A year later the girl-mother could stand it no longer. She told her parents the truth — that the real father of the child was a young man who worked in the fishmarket.

The mother and father of the girl at once went to Hakuin to ask his forgiveness, to apologize at length, and to get the child back again.

Hakuin was willing. In yielding the child, all he said was: "Is that so?"
 

Small Bird

a small bird 

extruding 

tendrils of song

James shared this little poem with me last night. Be with it. Visualize it. Delight in it. Because it is the pathway to such incisive clarity of mind and emotion, sobriety is a virtue in and of itself.

Like Balloons

When we do not find our strength within we are like balloons. We look to others to pump us full, to give us shape. In functioning this way, we fool ourselves into believing we are what we only seem to be. And inevitably we begin to leak as soon as we have been pumped full. We require an endless cycle of inflation which can only end when one finds the Strength Within.

Reborn to Awe and Wonder

"Falling mist flies together with the wild ducks;
the waters of autumn are of one color with the sky."

—Zen saying

Sobriety is a virtue unto itself, facilitating the gifts of presence, clarity and a higher level of awareness — a state of being that begets the gifts of awe, wonder and gratitude. With these gifts one can create and maintain a new inner world of true understanding and contentment. IF one is so inclined.

A Profound Cluelessness

Suddenly I realized there are at least FIVE qualities that tend to be shared by people who manifest addictive behaviors. There are the three I listed in The First Principle and at least more which I list below as numbers four and five:



1. a powerful store of resentments,

2. a powerful store of anger and fear,
3. 
and a withering ability to suck all of the habitable atmosphere out of a room into the black hole of our own self-absorption.
4. A profound cluelessness regarding our own true motivations and inner dialog (self-talk); a blind spot with regard to some of our own Core Beliefs.
5. A highly developed ability to rationalize (create a cloud of self-deceptive bullshit) to justify our attitudes and actions.

Happiness Is

"Happiness is a how; not a what. A talent, not an object," says Hermann Hesse. 


Indeed, indeed.


And what develops a talent but dedication and consistent, self-disciplined practice?

The process can be, in itself, a source of delight.
 

The First Principle

In my lifetime on earth, I have been blessed with three births:



1. from the womb into the world on December 1, 1952,

2. from the pall of substance abuse into sentience on November 11, 1996,

3. and again from the pall of substance abuse into sentience on October 16, 2010.



My substance of choice was alcohol — wine and beer. I abused to self-medicate; to provide temporary release from the pain I inflicted on myself by fanning flames of anger, fear and resentment, the embers of which I nurtured with constant attention and rumination. I permissively rationalized a scheme of facilitative thoughts that justified my choosing substance abusive behavior as a logical, viable alternative. In running this scam on myself, I violated the First Principle of sentient existence. I like the way Richard Feynman (renowned physicist and joyful bongo drum-banger) expressed it:



"The first principle is that you must not fool yourself — and you are the easiest to fool."



Among all of the individual particulars on which problem substance abusers may differ, I have noticed three common cognitive factors we all share:



1. a powerful store of resentments,

2. a powerful store of anger and fear,
3. 
and a withering ability to suck all of the habitable atmosphere out of a room into the black hole of our own self-absorption.



Therein lies the foundation of the personal problems we create with our abuse of consciousness-altering substances—or any habit of mind and behavior that manifestly imprisons us in an unproductive or harmful cycle of automated unconsciousness.

We fool ourselves believing "This should never have happened!" We fool ourselves believing "This isn't fair!" We fool ourselves believing "I've got to get even!" We fool ourselves believing "I deserve better!" We fool ourselves believing "my views (or problems) are the most important."

Really? Who says? All of the fore-mentioned presumptions are objectively absurd.

Oh, and there's another cherished core belief most of us are loathe to let go of: "This is so bad I can't stand it!"

The truth is, we can stand it. We just don't want to. And it's better if we just go ahead and stand it—we might learn something valuable. Even if we don't, we're better off ceasing to lie to ourselves in this way. Because the truth of the matter is, we can stand it.